I hate late night phone calls. With DH being on call all the time, you'd think I'd get used to the phone ringing - but each time, I hold my breath and wait. Last night I held my breath and heard the "I'll get her" and knew it wasn't good.

My aunt called with the news that her son, my cousin, died of a heart attack. He was only 43. No how did I see this one coming. I sat and listened and didn't say much. There was nothing to say. I still don't have much to say, as I'm working down the phone tree to alert all the relatives. I can't believe what I've heard - he's just a tiny bit older than me and we were so close growing up. We stayed that way until he got married and his wife was a control freak that stepped in between his relationship with everyone in our family. Including ours.

Now it's just numbness. We aren't supposed to be at this crossroad yet and I'm not figuring out how we got here. The natural order has gone out of whack. I expected many more years to visit and see him - to reconnect our relationship. I hadn't seen him in 8 years - since the death of my mother.

I must learn to live each day like it's the last - because lately, it has been the last with both the loss of a couple of family friends and now my cousin. All of which were in just a couple of months - and all had been put off being seen for one reason or another.